Hmmm... today's conversation between my motherdear and my brotherdear did make me think about my current educational situation. My brother keeps on talking about goals, goals, goals and goals... leaving me questioning about my goal. I feel empty. I used to be super determined and ambitious but what happened? I'm slacking, tired of everything and disinterested. How can this only have happened? I mean I do have a goal, but I'm not really believing in it neither am i convicted about it :/ How can I make myself believe that I can achieve anything if I really want to again? How can I build myself up? It is hard because school is tough. You know that you don't belong there and you are surrounded by people who make you feel you don't with their indirect comments and their expectations of you. I'm trying my best to catch up with all the others and I know that I have to prove myself to them, yet again. Being mute all these years didn't get me far, I realised. I've done so many mistakes I could have avoided over the years and that is what I get now. But I am different from the others and that is because I stay grounded. I don't have to be someone with a lot of cash in the future. I don't have to be an CEO at some super prestigeous company. All I want is that I can be happy in future. Be content with my life, have my family and friends around and be grateful for what I have achieved.
Still, my goal for now is to be on track with my tests again, meaning writing C's again and being active and aggressive in class for the next four months.
I gotta keep that in my mind for now. Will keep me motivated :D
=] <3 dont forget to smile.
Ezzy
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