New Year's Resolutions

So ehhmmm, I had the weirdest dream. I shouldn't have read that article about the mysterious deaths of birds and fish and all sorts. It was gross and scary to see all these dead black birds on a field. And of course I had to go through that field in my dream.


Before I dozed off though, which took me some time since I had a powernap between 9.30pm and 10.00pm, I thought about all sorts of things. Most of them were things that kinda annoyed me and that pretty much ended up as reproaches against myself, yet again.
That's when I realised my New Year's Resolution should be: 'Dammit, who cares what other people think?'.
I'm kind of tired of living up to people's expectations, always doing what's right in people's eyes and just being a people-pleaser.
But then again, all I want is people's happiness. I hate seeing people down or sad, I seriously can't take it. It's like I put everyone else's disposition in front of my own and I know, that can go wrong. And the bad effects have already hit me. The more I analyse and think about things I conclude that the more I put people forward the more they have expectations and opinions about me and that's where I get to the point that I care too much about other people think of me when actually I shouldn't give an eff. At the end of every day it's still my life and my happiness whether you like it or not.

For the people who don't know me: when it comes to things such as experience, I'm a freaking hedonist. I don't care much about what experience it is as long as I can learn from it. I mean, don't get me wrong and think I've been badly influenced by Oscar Wilde's shenanigans because I haven't. I guess that's just the personality that has developed over the years as certain things that happened in my life actually influenced the way I think.
I've been growing up in a rather conservative household, where rules had to be obeyed, life had to be this and that way and where of course the family always had to be on top of everything. Nothing against that - AT ALL! But I guess through that I learned to know where my limits are and I learned to know the wrongs and the rights.
Sometimes I get the feeling that people see me to laid back, well I say don't look at me, look at yourself!
Sometimes, I get the feeling that people think I'm too hard on myself. It's not that I want to be the best, I want to gain knowledge for sustainability matters.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that people can't see me as independent as I can be. I know I have to work on that but it's not like I'm never going to be it.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that people have this narrowminded opinion of someone just because of their performance. Why don't you open up all other options before judging someone?

It's life and nothing is ever perfect. I am not, you are not and not even the person next to you is. Only God is perfect and that's what his plan is for us. A life that goes up and a life goes down. People make mistakes and hopefully learn from it. You have one life only and we better make the best out of it so you can tell yourself one day 'I had a good life, I accomplished so much but I also lived to see many things'. I just wanna embrace my life how it is and I want to be who I want to be. These phases come and go and all I hope for this year is more patience, more myself and most of all not caring what other people think because what was that Dr. Suess said - "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

=] <3 dont forget to smile.
Ezzy