ALL THE MEH'S AND THE BÄH'S AND THE UGH'S

A huge shoutout to all the students that are stressed with exam preparations, assessment papers and finals - I AM SUFFERING WITH YOU.

May is such a cringe-worthy month for me. All I can say is what's passed is passed. Therefore, I am glad I can focus my wandering mind on school stuff because quite frankly, I need to get on with school!!! Hence, I get challenged so much up to the point where often think to myself 'meh, I don't want to anymore, everything is so hard and I can't get my brain to think.' But I learned a lot from past events that just because you're challenged so much, that you can't just simply give up and put all your efforts aside. Being able to go to school is a gift and sometimes opening gifts don't come easy. That's one lesson I've learned, that nothing good ever comes easy. All the more we should try to embrace our challenges and our struggles because in the end, the reward will be so much better than you've expected. You might ask how I calm my always worrying heart. I simply pray and lift basically everything up to God because I know I can't carry all the weight on my shoulders. It also feel liberating to know that you don't have to be in control over things. Especially things that mean a heck lot to you. But hey, we got this! We will get through this and rejoice in the success we've worked hard for, right? Summer is not far away, so we better work hard and suffer now so we can completely enjoy the laziness that will be allowed during summer. If that motivation didn't help, here are two guys that hopefully will motivate you anyhow.

#studyranger

ON BEING PRODUCTIVE

Yes, I am still here and I apologise for being MIA during the last couple of weeks. As we all know, it's May and that month only screams for preparations for final exams, final papers and final everythings, hence, I sort of put the blogging in the back of my head for a while. Since we are all in Uni/School stress and our biggest and worst enemy is Mr. Procrastination, I've found a helpful way on how to be more productive:

Praying for you #studyrangers

#eastermission: LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

#brudiiii #brusjaaaan #curseofthejacket #turnedoversocks #bestmissionteam #somuchlove #yflireland #byfartheloudestdelegate

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I LIKE YOUR MIND.

Picture: http://data2.whicdn.com/images/104760132/large.jpg

To be honest with you, I pretty often get caught up in my own little bubble, where just my opinions count and nothing else. Yes, you're right - it's not the best attitude. And I agree with you. Hence, I always find myself in an uncomfortable situation whenever I meet people that have a totally different opinion as me. I learned that that's the beauty of being in a dialog with other minds, though. Of course, it's one of the best things to be surrounded by like-minded people, however, the more you're closed off to other opinions, attitudes and views, the more you stagnate and your mind doesn't get the nourishment it needs to be able to develop. 

LENT'14: THE 'WORK IN PROGRESS' TYPA SITUATION

"How do we wait for something we need so badly, something we know for certain is God's will, and something that we just can't live another day without? We must wait patiently and confidently, not complaining. To do otherwise would be to insult God by displaying a lack of faith in His ability to deliver. We renew our strength by "waiting" for the Lord (Is 40:31)."

Yes, it's lent season and I haven't given you guys my two cents yet.

It's a strange habit that my mind has. Whenever I try to study for exams, my mind just wanders away and the energy that should be spent on trying to remember what I've just read, simply transfers into things that my overthinking produces. Hence, I overthink - a lot. It's one of my worst habits because this overthinking just leads me to emotions that I don't want to feel. I don't want to spend my day in doubt, insecurity and anxiety. Especially now, during lent. I want to be at peace with myself and my circumstances. That's what I want for myself. And how is that possible? In trusting and relying only on Him. 

Yes, I am a work in progress. I haven't yet gotten to the point where I can confidently say to my struggles 'Come at me, bro, I'm ready!' After everything that has happened last year, I can say that there's still a lot of mending to do. The broken pieces apparently take time to heal bit by bit. Fears have to be overcome. The mindset has to be right. And hope most importantly should never be lost. Out of everything that is still unclear to me, situations where I don't know what specifically is going to happen, I know where I want to be and I know how my heart should look like. Step by step I want to get there because I know He uses ordinary people to create something extraordinary and I seriously want to be part of that.

And during this lent, I feel especially blessed and grateful. Even though the struggles are always here and they won't fade that quickly, somehow I've learned to keep my eyes on what's worth. And during the first week of lent, He affirmed so many things in my heart. He knows my heart. I've kept the faith, you should too!

My flesh may fail, but my God you never will.

WAITING: PLEASE HOLD THE LINE

How many of you get easily annoyed when waiting for the train or bus to come? How many roll their eyes in their cars when the pedestrians take the longest time to walk across the road? How many of you just can't stand queues? We probably spend most of our days here on Earth waiting. However, whatever we do, whatever life throws at us, there's always a purpose behind it. 

You'd say waiting is just a waste of time because life is too short or maybe you'd say there must be something romantic about waiting. Either way, the movies and stories in books could have never expressed the actual state you are in as much as actually being in that state yourself. Sometimes it's bearable but sometimes it's also painful, which always leads me to thinking that the painfuller a situation, the best moments can spring out of it - when you believe. So whatever you're waiting for, I hope this will give you a better idea and understanding about the reasons why.

I was reading an article the other day that reminded me and showed me how to cope in times of waiting.

Picture: http://24.media.tumblr.com/793bf441dee3daf0214eb31215949017/tumblr_mz1yleT94j1r4ueyro1_500.jpg

2013, YOU SON OF A *PEEP*

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It's 31.12.13, which means it's the end of the year and everyone is highly anticipating the new year. Reflecting on the past year, all I can say is, that it was tough. It wasn't only tough for me but also for my family, friends and loved ones. A lot of tragedies, disappointments and mistakes happened within the Year of Faith, nevertheless, these challenges helped me to get to know myself better and somehow made me also grow as a person. Yes, I've had enough times this year where all I asked myself was 'When is this year finally over?' and now I find myself being a bit nervous about what the new year has to bring. I really do hope that 2014 will be a year of miracles. I kinda need a lot of that, to be honest :P

What I've learnt from the year 2013 is that prayers will be heard, changes are hard but inevitable and that family is everything. I'm not really going after the 'new year, new me' saying because I don't want a new self. I want an improved and better self who has grown out of the wounds, hurts and disappointments. Life won't get any easier so I might as well just learn how to persevere and deal with whatever life throws at me. I've also learnt that your passions can sometimes be misleading when you don't listen or respond to the red flags. Energy saving mode is something I'll try to pull through when it comes to dealing with difficult situations in the new year. To get to the point, I won't be putting my energy into something I can neither control nor change. I've given a lot of lessons this year, that when the big Man up there doesn't want things to happen and you're not obedient, he'll give you a heck of a lesson for you to finally get Him. 

With all the plans I have in 2014, I can only be excited. I'm happy that I was able to go on missions a lot this year. It made me appreciate the community even more. I want to thank all my friends who have stuck with me another year, I want to thank my family that still loves me despite the hurts I've put them through and finally, I want to thank you my readers. Never have I felt so much love for my writing through my readers! I know, I say this at the end of every year, BUT, I'm not giving up on this blog or on my writing and I really want to try to make it up to you and be better at updating. You inspire me!

Lastly, to everyone who I hurt this year, I'm forever sorry, you can bet on that!

HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR! 

GUTEN RUTSCH! 

COME AT US 2014!

30 DAY CHALLENGE - DAY 14 + 15

Well this person grew up listening to Elvis, which doesn't automatically mean she was even born when she started to love his music. Her parents were big fans of Elvis and they had his music play every day. How could she not start loving him as well? However, her love for Elvis wasn't the obsessive kind. She just loved listening to his voice cause it made her feel closer to her parents that have passed away a couple of years ago. That's the reason why she writes Elvis a Valentine's card every year, because she really wants to say thank you to him for inspiring her parents and making them happy.

I'm Jake. I'm 23. And I am accused of murder. People say I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. My family tried to convince the police that I had nothing to do with this case, that I was a good person. My mum cried for me a lot. She knew me. She knew my heart. And she was the only one who believed so. Growing up was hard. I'm not going to talk about the difficulty without money because that was not my issue. I grew up in a wealthy household. I've always had the best of everything. Before my dad passed away the last thing he wanted me to do was to take care of my family and to never forget what he had taught me. Our family worked hard for our fortune and we were very privileged. However, that doesn't mean that the worst thing that can happen to someone couldn't affect us. 

When the murder happened, I really was in the wrong place at the wrong time. One night I walked home from a party. I did have a couple of drinks but I was still very conscious. Suddenly I heard a scream from a nearby side street. I tried to ignore it first because I thought it was just a couple messing around, but the screams didn't stop getting scarier and scarier. The first thing I did was walk back to that side street and saw a guy throwing himself at a girl. Badly enough, I knew who the guy was. We shared the same class together and we had the similar group of friends. I ran towards them and tried to stop him. He was drunk and couldn't even talk properly. The girl was in terror and very scared. I managed to pull him off of her. However, at the same time the girl pulled the trigger on the gun she hid behind herself and before I knew what had happened, she threw the gun on the ground and ran away. Before I could run after her, the police had already pulled in and I was trapped.

30 DAY CHALLENGE - DAY 12 + 13

My favorite day of the week would be SUNDAY, cause SUNDAY IS FUN DAY! 

No, but apart from that I really enjoy Sundays. The moment you wake up, you automatically feel the calmness and that ease. The streets are quiet, not a lot of cars drive around and you just know that your family is waiting in the dining room ready for breakfast. Sunday is also a great day to bond with your family. Starting with going to mass together, having lunch outside and then spending the afternoon in front of the television or napping on the couch. You know that you can stay in your PJs all day long and noone would bother. Sundays are also great days to just hang out with your friends and catch up. Of course everyone dreads the upcoming day but I guess pretty much everyone just ignores that fact and enjoys the day. I love Sundays - The Lord's Day. Sometimes I get the feeling that conversations particularly on that day get deeper and more honest. You tend to reflect on the past week and smile because you've accomplished a lot of things within only days. Sundays are just great!!!

Have you ever seen the 'King of Queens' episode where Doug and Carrie went to their friend's wedding and they had these single-use-cameras on each guest's table? It would be really funny to me if I would come across such pictures. I bet the most hilarious pictures would turn out that way. For instance I could imagine the entourage to just mess around with it and take pictures of themselves mocking all those selfie poses. You would also have to consider that these random pictures you found at Costco are also from random people, in fact strangers. 

30 DAY CHALLENGE - DAY 10 + 11

I want to be remembered as a person with passion, virtues, values and wisdom, that were shining through her writing. I think that's my goal for this life. To be able to use my talents to inspire and to encourage other people to just simply make use of who they are. But just as my mum always keeps on talking about my grandfather's wise words, I would like my sons and daughters also to remember me that way. The way where they pass on wisdom to the next generations. Of course not only wisdom but also my faith. I would want for my family to spread the love for the community and also the love for the Man up there. And of course, that wouldn't only limit itself to my family, of course I would want my loved ones also to experience His greatness. I want to be remembered as a person who worked hard for her achievements, someone who wouldn't let anyone stop her from chasing her dreams. That would be great, just to be remembered like that and to let people know there is hope and that each and everyone can grasp their chances for greatness.

My first childhood pet were hamsters. Just so you know, I am not a huge pet lover and that basically lead to not really taking care of my pet. I would let my parents do that for me. My dad is quite an animal fan. I mean I don't know anyone else apart from my parents who actually enjoy having fishes as pets and caring for them lovingly. I am so bad with pets. The only thing I can do is give them something to eat and drink but actually caring for them wholeheartedly is a challenge. Especially when it comes of small pets. However, I would love to have a dog some day. Even though I know a dog is a huge responsibility and it's a lot more work than only having some guinea pig, I think I would really have to pull myself together to be a good dog owner.

30 DAY CHALLENGE - DAY 8

Esther-Marie, or how most people call her, Babsie, is a 4'11 filipino girl living in Vienna, Austria. The first time I met her, she was very kind yet very shy. She hardly spoke another sentence with me after she introduced herself to me. That felt strange because it gave me the feeling as if she didn't care at all. So before I made the effort to actually get to know her, I just observed her. I figured she was the kind of person that would rather hang out with a book than actually hang out with a group of people. But the moment she had to talk in front of people, she did really well. She had a lot of knowledge about all sort of things and that made sense cause she was always with a book in her hand. Anyways, when time had passed I kind of lost interest in getting to know her more because quite frankly, I wouldn't know what to talk to her about. Besides, the other crowd was so much more fun hanging out with and I didn't feel like using up my time to take care of an outcast.

Another few years had passed and suddenly I found her hanging out with the bunch of people I hang out with. She was so different. It just felt like she came out of her shell. She was still shy, but she would talk a lot more with you than actually just leave it at 'Hi, my name is Esther'. That was the time when I got to know her a lot more. Before I even started to talk to her properly, I actually just kept on observing and I realised she had a huge heart for doing service for the community. Later, she also told me that it was the community and the people who made an effort for her, made her come out of her shell and comfort zone. And she also apologised for not making an effort back then to actually join me and my friends at some activities. She explained that she was very shy and that she didn't really feel comfortable around us. But she was happy that it changed. She also explained that it takes her a bit more time than usual to open up to people because she's been disappointed a lot in the past. At that time when we grew close she confessed, that her supposed-to-be friend left her for more popular people in school which made her feel even worse about herself. That's why she was very careful with who to trust and who to open up to. I felt quite honoured to be a person she trusted. I also learned that she was quite an introvert due to the fact that she wasn't really outgoing since her parents were quite strict and she had to babysit her younger siblings. It amazes me how well she handled three younger siblings even though she could have rebelled against her parents and made them let her hang out with her friends. "Nah, there was no reason for rebelling out at that time. I didn't have a lot of friends anyways and the few ones I had, understood my circumstances," she told me.

30 DAY CHALLENGE - DAY 7

What a question *phew*. I guess questions about your own person always are the hardest to answer. But given the challenge, I will do my best to answer this question as good and as honest as possible.

Picture: John Kennet Ponti ©

Just when I think back, I have always felt different from the crowd, different from everyone else. Ever since middle school up til now. That would basically answer the reason for my social awkwardness with people I get to know and my mute behaviour amongst a group. But I guess what has always set me apart from the crowd I hung out with was, that I grew up in a big family. For my readers who do not know me that well yet, I have four siblings and I'm the second eldest. It was hard growing up and having to learn to be responsible at a very early age. In the beginning I really had to sacrifice my 'teenage' years, which supposedly have to be the most exciting years and the time you get to experience a lot of new things, for my siblings. So, I spent most of my spare time at home watching the kids. You'd get a lot of 'No I can't. Watching the kids' replies to hangout sessions with friends. Now thinking back, I guess that's the reason I developed into an introverted and, back then, to a pretty serious person. However, I do not regret anything of that because I knew that I helped out my parents a lot throughout the years. And I'm glad my parents trusted me a lot in the upbringing of the kids, especially the youngest one.

30 DAY CHALLENGE - DAY 5 + DAY 6

Letter B:
butter - bananas - bread - beef - burgers - blueberries - blackberries

That person, due to the very humble list of things to buy, is on a diet. They would only buy this items for a whole month. That person found this new diet in a magazine and they are super convinced that it would work this time round. Of course, as we all know diets aren't really the real deal. A healthy diet, however, is much better than only limiting oneself on a couple of foods. That person, as you might have already figured, has some body image issues. They jumped from one diet to another and instead of losing some pounds, they gained them all over again. Talking about a healthy life... that sure ain't one. 

30 DAY CHALLENGE - DAY 4

A woman was talking to an insurance agent:

"So, I started this journey and I get sick a lot, lose way too many precious things along the way and most of the time I wish I could just return and get a refund or start the journey over. I knew that a lot of unexpected things might happen on this journey and I was more than prepared for each and every surprise. People told me before that this and that may happen but they never advised me on how to handle situations. I've always been eager to just get out there and experience new things. Regardless how scary they were, I knew I'd learn a lot along the way. How exciting new adventures and new experiences were to me. I just wanted to get out, get out of my comfort zone - because I knew I was prepared for them. That's what I thought of myself. Truth be told, I wasn't prepared at all. All I did was going with the flow. I did what I was told to do by my friends, by my parents and by my loved one. 

Never in that second I thought of what I wanted because they've been there and have done that. The roads were rough but I always managed to make it through. I wasn't on that journey alone, you see. I had loyal companions who always motivated me to move on, to continue that road when I was tired and to get my butt up when I've lingered on one spot for too long. I did my very best on that journey and I can say, I've seen a lot and met a lot of great people as well. I've seen the beauty of small cities and also got to learn to appreciate their totally hospitable inhabitants. They were all so nice and welcoming. It was a great visit and I felt I belonged somewhere and it felt pretty good. I knew that at some point in my life I would go back there and maybe start a future in that city. Just how it is when you're on a journey, you enter a new stage. In the beginning everything went great and I couldn't help myself but gush over all the new impressions. However, things started to change a bit. My friends and family have always warned me about it. I always laughed it off because I knew I would never find myself in such a situation. Since you cannot control everything, I suddenly found myself in exactly this situation.

30 DAY CHALLENGE - DAY 3

Due some Internet problems, I couldn't upload Day 3, so I will be posting up Day 3 + 4 today!

The only situation that I can recall was having to call a brother out because of his love issues. For the people who know me, I tend to overreact quickly and when I have to say things, then they have to be said. So, in this situation I just tried to give some advice to a close friend of mine who was struggling with his feelings for another person. In my eyes, their opinion about their situation wasn't a good enough explanation to me, so I just had to lay my arguments and opinions all out there, regardless how much I'd hurt them. I argued that their feelings weren't real and just pure infatuation and that it wasn't love at all. Of course, for someone who has feeling for someone else, it is quite hurtful to hear all these things from a friend you think you had your support. Hence, I always seem to put my foot in my mouth when I need to be completely honest with someone. It's not on purpose being a kill joy but sometimes I just think that a dear friend who I totally appreciate and think highly of also needs to feel that same level of honesty, truth and lookout from me. After that conversation with my friend, I of course got the silent treatment for a couple of days up until I apologised and they told me that they understood what I was telling them, although they never thought I'd be so harsh on them. For the people who know me, I'm harsh when it comes to looking out for my loved ones. I don't sugarcoat anything! However, I completely understand as well that I cannot treat people like that on a regular basis. I've learnt to let them grow on their own and that all they need is my support. Whenever the time comes again, where I have to be completely frank again, I realised I need to watch my words and watch the other person's feelings. So, who ever I've hurt with my frank tongue, I truly apologise.

30 DAY CHALLENGE - DAY 2

Lara had always written in Journal ever since she got one for her thirteenth birthday. She would record each and every event or feeling into her little pink book. The color of her journal wasn't really to her liking, that's why she covered the princesses, stars and hearts with a bunch of stickers of her favorite band. She loved all these British bands. Starting from The Kooks to Arctic Monkeys. Lara never liked to be in the center of attention and that's what she wrote most about in her journal. She wrote a lot about her struggles in her family where each of her three siblings had a great talent except her. The older Lara got the more she found out that writing had always been her talent. Even when at sixteen writing in your diary wasn't really age-conform, she still wrote down everything. The most exciting phase in her life started - liking boys. Lara who always rather did what the other boys did such as playing in the dirt or talking about skateboards, found it rather weird that she suddenly couldn't get her eyes off of this one guy in school. Of course every girl was in love with him because he was the most popular guy in school, but Lara wrote all her daydreams into that diary she got when she was thirteen. By the time Lara graduated, she has moved on to another journal. It was a black moleskin journal and she insisted on having a moleskin journal because she felt more grown-up with it. When it was time to move out of the house to go to college, she wanted to bring all her existing journals just to have something that reminded her of home. However, the most precious one was no where to be found. She looked everywhere, in the attic, in the basement and even buddle up her little box in the garden which she buried with her siblings when she was four years old. It broke Lara's heart that she couldn't find her first ever journal. The journal that inspired her to write down everything that she experienced. With the lost journal, she felt like she lost a lot of dear memories and also great life lessons. Not knowing where it had gone was the worst feeling. Lara hoped her journal didn't get in the wrong hands with the idea of exposing her. But deep inside, she knew that it was still near and that maybe it was not her who was meant to find it.