LENT'14: THE 'WORK IN PROGRESS' TYPA SITUATION

"How do we wait for something we need so badly, something we know for certain is God's will, and something that we just can't live another day without? We must wait patiently and confidently, not complaining. To do otherwise would be to insult God by displaying a lack of faith in His ability to deliver. We renew our strength by "waiting" for the Lord (Is 40:31)."

Yes, it's lent season and I haven't given you guys my two cents yet.

It's a strange habit that my mind has. Whenever I try to study for exams, my mind just wanders away and the energy that should be spent on trying to remember what I've just read, simply transfers into things that my overthinking produces. Hence, I overthink - a lot. It's one of my worst habits because this overthinking just leads me to emotions that I don't want to feel. I don't want to spend my day in doubt, insecurity and anxiety. Especially now, during lent. I want to be at peace with myself and my circumstances. That's what I want for myself. And how is that possible? In trusting and relying only on Him. 

Yes, I am a work in progress. I haven't yet gotten to the point where I can confidently say to my struggles 'Come at me, bro, I'm ready!' After everything that has happened last year, I can say that there's still a lot of mending to do. The broken pieces apparently take time to heal bit by bit. Fears have to be overcome. The mindset has to be right. And hope most importantly should never be lost. Out of everything that is still unclear to me, situations where I don't know what specifically is going to happen, I know where I want to be and I know how my heart should look like. Step by step I want to get there because I know He uses ordinary people to create something extraordinary and I seriously want to be part of that.

And during this lent, I feel especially blessed and grateful. Even though the struggles are always here and they won't fade that quickly, somehow I've learned to keep my eyes on what's worth. And during the first week of lent, He affirmed so many things in my heart. He knows my heart. I've kept the faith, you should too!

My flesh may fail, but my God you never will.

THANKS IG, YOU MADE ME REALISE I DON'T FIT IN

Picture: https://31.media.tumblr.com/2c2f1446f8ae7fbc507b86a46dbfe1e1/tumblr_mxkcgqOTxO1req6ngo1_500.jpg

I've been contemplating a lot about deleting certain Apps on my phone. I've even been contemplating about avoiding Facebook 'til the end of the year. Why? Because these social networking sites give me a negative vibe. Why? Because I don't agree with most things I see on there. Why? Because they make me insecure. I start to envy the people on the pictures and I simply end up pitying myself because basically everyone around me is too darn 'cool' for me. 

Just by looking at people's pictures on their IG, I often find myself thinking 'Oh boy, is this how you're supposed to be nowadays? Is this how you should live today?' From selfies, over to parties up until alcoholic beverages, that's what most people I follow post these days. It kinda portrays everything that the world loves to see. Everything that society is okay with, everything that society wants to see and feels. Is that how my lifestyle should be in order to fit in? Should I be taking a dozen of selfies a day just to prove everyone I'm a girl who is confident? Should I be taking pictures of my new coppings just to let everyone else know that I've got that style and that taste? Are my group of friends cool enough and have that great style to post a picture with them? Is this party IG-worthy? Will the people be impressed by this because I'm having such an extravagant dinner? How many likes will I get on this picture? Just so I can assess my worth on Social Media. 

It's amazing how pictures can be so deceiving. It's amazing how pictures can make you feel emotions that shouldn't be felt in the first place. When I look at certain profiles I sometimes think to myself, how on Earth would I fit in this society? Nothing I ever see is me or could represent my personality. It saddens me a lot to find myself in a generation that has become even more shallow. It saddens me that personalities look so great on pictures but in real-life just suck. What happened to authenticity behind pictures and in real-life? 

All I care about is being genuine and being confident enough to show that the world through your actions and not through pictures. I care about real art and pictures that motivate and send positivity out into the world. Hence, I don't curr about having to see your face every day and you trying to make your face look inspirational just cause you added some inspirational BS as a caption. 

d.f.t.s,

Ezzy

LADIES

It's good to keep in mind where you are coming from and where your heart should be placed, which shouldn't be stolen from a guy who doesn't have your best interest at heart.

Picture: John Kennet Panti; Font Edits: ezzycupcake

=] <3 don't forget to smile.

Ezzy

UHH AHA AHA, TELL ME AHA AHA

BELATED HAPPY 1st JUNE, EVERYBODY

Do not ask my why I am stoked about June! I just felt like celebrating this day a bit! Summer break is only a month away now... I hope I don't screw up.

=] <3 don't forget to smile.

Ezzy

PERSONAL: WHAT HAPPENED WITH LIVING LIFE?

There are so many things I want to do and see but it just seems like everytime I want to do things for myself it just doesn't feel right. There are so many things that keep holding me back and somehow I got to the point where I am craving for someone to say 'Why don't you cut her some slack and let her do what she wants?'.
At the moment, I am just having a really hard time accepting the answer 'no'.
Throughout my teenage years it was never the problem because I hoped for more 'yes'es in the future, when I would be done with my Matura and such. But the more I was craving for seeing the world, going out there and max out my potential and live out my dreams how I wanted it, the more 'no's I came across. And here I was at the same spot where I left off.
I am at the point where all these restrictions make me feel like time is running out to live.
Of course, it's no big surprise that we are all going to die at one point but I wouldn't want my life to end without being proud with what I have accomplished for myself. No regrets.
It is just sad to realise that I have yet to learn to think for myself. I have to learn also knowing what's best for me and take turn now. And I guess the most important part is that I should learn how not to live up to people's expectations but mine, since it is my path to go. I know, I am not the only person who struggles with that life perspective.

And I conclude by saying that I just want to live my life and be happy and I guess I am ready to do whatever it takes.

=] <3 don't forget to smile.
Ezzy

LA VIE.

I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud.And I don't want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that 

my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. 

I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open 

and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. 

I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes

and read books so good they make me jump up and down,

and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift. 

-Shauna Niequist

Mhhhh... rant... tension

Picture: tumblr.com

So, just yesterday I had a very big exam to write and I am pretty tensed about the results. Things would really get complicated if I don't pass the exam so I am really hoping and praying for the best. February will be quite an eventful month for me. I'll be having vacation, my little brother turns 8 and my BFF will also finally get her number two in her age. Besides all these events, I just hope that February will treat us all well. I can't wait to see all my friends again, since I haven't seen them in a long time due to exam preparations. Although the girls and I update each other every day, we kinda do miss each other... only a little bit.
Who ever follows me on instagram or twitter or is my friend on FB knows that I'm pretty much a nerd lately. Not in the sense of study nerdy but more PS3-kinda-nerdy. It started out with Call of Duty - Black Ops and has now evolved into NBA2K11. It's not like I've gotten addicted to it but it's more a complementary activity besides being on the net the whole day since you cannot really go out in such a cold weather. Who would've thought that VTown reaches somewhat -11°C this winter? I just hope that spring won't keep us waiting too long. I need that warm weather back!!

Anyways... I hope you still enjoyed reading my little rant and update. As soon as I got a grip on my life again, meaning when my life is more eventful, I will sure update my blogs regularly and let you guys know, what I've been up to these days!

Thanks for reading and
=] <3 don't forget to smile.
Ezzy