ALL THE MEH'S AND THE BÄH'S AND THE UGH'S

A huge shoutout to all the students that are stressed with exam preparations, assessment papers and finals - I AM SUFFERING WITH YOU.

May is such a cringe-worthy month for me. All I can say is what's passed is passed. Therefore, I am glad I can focus my wandering mind on school stuff because quite frankly, I need to get on with school!!! Hence, I get challenged so much up to the point where often think to myself 'meh, I don't want to anymore, everything is so hard and I can't get my brain to think.' But I learned a lot from past events that just because you're challenged so much, that you can't just simply give up and put all your efforts aside. Being able to go to school is a gift and sometimes opening gifts don't come easy. That's one lesson I've learned, that nothing good ever comes easy. All the more we should try to embrace our challenges and our struggles because in the end, the reward will be so much better than you've expected. You might ask how I calm my always worrying heart. I simply pray and lift basically everything up to God because I know I can't carry all the weight on my shoulders. It also feel liberating to know that you don't have to be in control over things. Especially things that mean a heck lot to you. But hey, we got this! We will get through this and rejoice in the success we've worked hard for, right? Summer is not far away, so we better work hard and suffer now so we can completely enjoy the laziness that will be allowed during summer. If that motivation didn't help, here are two guys that hopefully will motivate you anyhow.

#studyranger

ON BEING PRODUCTIVE

Yes, I am still here and I apologise for being MIA during the last couple of weeks. As we all know, it's May and that month only screams for preparations for final exams, final papers and final everythings, hence, I sort of put the blogging in the back of my head for a while. Since we are all in Uni/School stress and our biggest and worst enemy is Mr. Procrastination, I've found a helpful way on how to be more productive:

Praying for you #studyrangers

#eastermission: LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

#brudiiii #brusjaaaan #curseofthejacket #turnedoversocks #bestmissionteam #somuchlove #yflireland #byfartheloudestdelegate

Picture: http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/3d/d9/e6/3dd9e65a51d862904c25be2a8f798606.jpg

I LIKE YOUR MIND.

Picture: http://data2.whicdn.com/images/104760132/large.jpg

To be honest with you, I pretty often get caught up in my own little bubble, where just my opinions count and nothing else. Yes, you're right - it's not the best attitude. And I agree with you. Hence, I always find myself in an uncomfortable situation whenever I meet people that have a totally different opinion as me. I learned that that's the beauty of being in a dialog with other minds, though. Of course, it's one of the best things to be surrounded by like-minded people, however, the more you're closed off to other opinions, attitudes and views, the more you stagnate and your mind doesn't get the nourishment it needs to be able to develop. 

LENT'14: THE 'WORK IN PROGRESS' TYPA SITUATION

"How do we wait for something we need so badly, something we know for certain is God's will, and something that we just can't live another day without? We must wait patiently and confidently, not complaining. To do otherwise would be to insult God by displaying a lack of faith in His ability to deliver. We renew our strength by "waiting" for the Lord (Is 40:31)."

Yes, it's lent season and I haven't given you guys my two cents yet.

It's a strange habit that my mind has. Whenever I try to study for exams, my mind just wanders away and the energy that should be spent on trying to remember what I've just read, simply transfers into things that my overthinking produces. Hence, I overthink - a lot. It's one of my worst habits because this overthinking just leads me to emotions that I don't want to feel. I don't want to spend my day in doubt, insecurity and anxiety. Especially now, during lent. I want to be at peace with myself and my circumstances. That's what I want for myself. And how is that possible? In trusting and relying only on Him. 

Yes, I am a work in progress. I haven't yet gotten to the point where I can confidently say to my struggles 'Come at me, bro, I'm ready!' After everything that has happened last year, I can say that there's still a lot of mending to do. The broken pieces apparently take time to heal bit by bit. Fears have to be overcome. The mindset has to be right. And hope most importantly should never be lost. Out of everything that is still unclear to me, situations where I don't know what specifically is going to happen, I know where I want to be and I know how my heart should look like. Step by step I want to get there because I know He uses ordinary people to create something extraordinary and I seriously want to be part of that.

And during this lent, I feel especially blessed and grateful. Even though the struggles are always here and they won't fade that quickly, somehow I've learned to keep my eyes on what's worth. And during the first week of lent, He affirmed so many things in my heart. He knows my heart. I've kept the faith, you should too!

My flesh may fail, but my God you never will.

ON ITALIAN GROUND PT.2

After everyone had left, Lisa, Kents, Venice, Gian and I decided to take a quick trip to Milan. Since the travel companions and I had to catch the flight from Milan anyways, we decided to just visit the shopping streets. I literally died by the stores they had. So did my wallet for this one copping. It was also great seeing the famous Duomo. It was beautiful! Thanks guys for the company. You guys make great travel buddies. Can't wait for a next time.

Good people, good times

ON ITALIAN GROUND PT.1

Before and after the planning we had time to roam around the city and even travel to Milan. The impressions of Turin exceeded my expectations. The traditional italian streets and buildings, the great way of getting around and of course its history and miraculous stories totally made me fall in love with this city. We were so lucky with the weather as well which made the sightseeing a lot more fun. Thanks Gian for showing us round your city and letting us get to know your homies. And thanks to the community in Turin as well, for keeping us tourists great company. 

Good company, good times

EYC PLANNING'14 TORINO, ITALY

#missionfeb has ended on a high and exciting note. You guys can really look forward to this year's EYC! The planning was great and we've come up with great ideas. It was refreshing to be creative again with great minds and great people. I really enjoyed everyone's company and we had the best host ever. I could really see how everybody grew in their own way and at their own pace. It was great to be a witness of this and to be part of it. The challenges are waiting for us to be overcome and I cannot wait for all the work and effort everyone is going to make for this Congress to be a great one!

#allforHisglory

WAITING: PLEASE HOLD THE LINE

How many of you get easily annoyed when waiting for the train or bus to come? How many roll their eyes in their cars when the pedestrians take the longest time to walk across the road? How many of you just can't stand queues? We probably spend most of our days here on Earth waiting. However, whatever we do, whatever life throws at us, there's always a purpose behind it. 

You'd say waiting is just a waste of time because life is too short or maybe you'd say there must be something romantic about waiting. Either way, the movies and stories in books could have never expressed the actual state you are in as much as actually being in that state yourself. Sometimes it's bearable but sometimes it's also painful, which always leads me to thinking that the painfuller a situation, the best moments can spring out of it - when you believe. So whatever you're waiting for, I hope this will give you a better idea and understanding about the reasons why.

I was reading an article the other day that reminded me and showed me how to cope in times of waiting.

Picture: http://24.media.tumblr.com/793bf441dee3daf0214eb31215949017/tumblr_mz1yleT94j1r4ueyro1_500.jpg

2013, YOU SON OF A *PEEP*

Picture: http://imgfave.com/view/4291795

It's 31.12.13, which means it's the end of the year and everyone is highly anticipating the new year. Reflecting on the past year, all I can say is, that it was tough. It wasn't only tough for me but also for my family, friends and loved ones. A lot of tragedies, disappointments and mistakes happened within the Year of Faith, nevertheless, these challenges helped me to get to know myself better and somehow made me also grow as a person. Yes, I've had enough times this year where all I asked myself was 'When is this year finally over?' and now I find myself being a bit nervous about what the new year has to bring. I really do hope that 2014 will be a year of miracles. I kinda need a lot of that, to be honest :P

What I've learnt from the year 2013 is that prayers will be heard, changes are hard but inevitable and that family is everything. I'm not really going after the 'new year, new me' saying because I don't want a new self. I want an improved and better self who has grown out of the wounds, hurts and disappointments. Life won't get any easier so I might as well just learn how to persevere and deal with whatever life throws at me. I've also learnt that your passions can sometimes be misleading when you don't listen or respond to the red flags. Energy saving mode is something I'll try to pull through when it comes to dealing with difficult situations in the new year. To get to the point, I won't be putting my energy into something I can neither control nor change. I've given a lot of lessons this year, that when the big Man up there doesn't want things to happen and you're not obedient, he'll give you a heck of a lesson for you to finally get Him. 

With all the plans I have in 2014, I can only be excited. I'm happy that I was able to go on missions a lot this year. It made me appreciate the community even more. I want to thank all my friends who have stuck with me another year, I want to thank my family that still loves me despite the hurts I've put them through and finally, I want to thank you my readers. Never have I felt so much love for my writing through my readers! I know, I say this at the end of every year, BUT, I'm not giving up on this blog or on my writing and I really want to try to make it up to you and be better at updating. You inspire me!

Lastly, to everyone who I hurt this year, I'm forever sorry, you can bet on that!

HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR! 

GUTEN RUTSCH! 

COME AT US 2014!

30 DAY CHALLENGE - DAY 12 + 13

My favorite day of the week would be SUNDAY, cause SUNDAY IS FUN DAY! 

No, but apart from that I really enjoy Sundays. The moment you wake up, you automatically feel the calmness and that ease. The streets are quiet, not a lot of cars drive around and you just know that your family is waiting in the dining room ready for breakfast. Sunday is also a great day to bond with your family. Starting with going to mass together, having lunch outside and then spending the afternoon in front of the television or napping on the couch. You know that you can stay in your PJs all day long and noone would bother. Sundays are also great days to just hang out with your friends and catch up. Of course everyone dreads the upcoming day but I guess pretty much everyone just ignores that fact and enjoys the day. I love Sundays - The Lord's Day. Sometimes I get the feeling that conversations particularly on that day get deeper and more honest. You tend to reflect on the past week and smile because you've accomplished a lot of things within only days. Sundays are just great!!!

Have you ever seen the 'King of Queens' episode where Doug and Carrie went to their friend's wedding and they had these single-use-cameras on each guest's table? It would be really funny to me if I would come across such pictures. I bet the most hilarious pictures would turn out that way. For instance I could imagine the entourage to just mess around with it and take pictures of themselves mocking all those selfie poses. You would also have to consider that these random pictures you found at Costco are also from random people, in fact strangers. 

30 DAY CHALLENGE - DAY 10 + 11

I want to be remembered as a person with passion, virtues, values and wisdom, that were shining through her writing. I think that's my goal for this life. To be able to use my talents to inspire and to encourage other people to just simply make use of who they are. But just as my mum always keeps on talking about my grandfather's wise words, I would like my sons and daughters also to remember me that way. The way where they pass on wisdom to the next generations. Of course not only wisdom but also my faith. I would want for my family to spread the love for the community and also the love for the Man up there. And of course, that wouldn't only limit itself to my family, of course I would want my loved ones also to experience His greatness. I want to be remembered as a person who worked hard for her achievements, someone who wouldn't let anyone stop her from chasing her dreams. That would be great, just to be remembered like that and to let people know there is hope and that each and everyone can grasp their chances for greatness.

My first childhood pet were hamsters. Just so you know, I am not a huge pet lover and that basically lead to not really taking care of my pet. I would let my parents do that for me. My dad is quite an animal fan. I mean I don't know anyone else apart from my parents who actually enjoy having fishes as pets and caring for them lovingly. I am so bad with pets. The only thing I can do is give them something to eat and drink but actually caring for them wholeheartedly is a challenge. Especially when it comes of small pets. However, I would love to have a dog some day. Even though I know a dog is a huge responsibility and it's a lot more work than only having some guinea pig, I think I would really have to pull myself together to be a good dog owner.

30 DAY CHALLENGE - DAY 8

Esther-Marie, or how most people call her, Babsie, is a 4'11 filipino girl living in Vienna, Austria. The first time I met her, she was very kind yet very shy. She hardly spoke another sentence with me after she introduced herself to me. That felt strange because it gave me the feeling as if she didn't care at all. So before I made the effort to actually get to know her, I just observed her. I figured she was the kind of person that would rather hang out with a book than actually hang out with a group of people. But the moment she had to talk in front of people, she did really well. She had a lot of knowledge about all sort of things and that made sense cause she was always with a book in her hand. Anyways, when time had passed I kind of lost interest in getting to know her more because quite frankly, I wouldn't know what to talk to her about. Besides, the other crowd was so much more fun hanging out with and I didn't feel like using up my time to take care of an outcast.

Another few years had passed and suddenly I found her hanging out with the bunch of people I hang out with. She was so different. It just felt like she came out of her shell. She was still shy, but she would talk a lot more with you than actually just leave it at 'Hi, my name is Esther'. That was the time when I got to know her a lot more. Before I even started to talk to her properly, I actually just kept on observing and I realised she had a huge heart for doing service for the community. Later, she also told me that it was the community and the people who made an effort for her, made her come out of her shell and comfort zone. And she also apologised for not making an effort back then to actually join me and my friends at some activities. She explained that she was very shy and that she didn't really feel comfortable around us. But she was happy that it changed. She also explained that it takes her a bit more time than usual to open up to people because she's been disappointed a lot in the past. At that time when we grew close she confessed, that her supposed-to-be friend left her for more popular people in school which made her feel even worse about herself. That's why she was very careful with who to trust and who to open up to. I felt quite honoured to be a person she trusted. I also learned that she was quite an introvert due to the fact that she wasn't really outgoing since her parents were quite strict and she had to babysit her younger siblings. It amazes me how well she handled three younger siblings even though she could have rebelled against her parents and made them let her hang out with her friends. "Nah, there was no reason for rebelling out at that time. I didn't have a lot of friends anyways and the few ones I had, understood my circumstances," she told me.

30 DAY CHALLENGE - DAY 7

What a question *phew*. I guess questions about your own person always are the hardest to answer. But given the challenge, I will do my best to answer this question as good and as honest as possible.

Picture: John Kennet Ponti ©

Just when I think back, I have always felt different from the crowd, different from everyone else. Ever since middle school up til now. That would basically answer the reason for my social awkwardness with people I get to know and my mute behaviour amongst a group. But I guess what has always set me apart from the crowd I hung out with was, that I grew up in a big family. For my readers who do not know me that well yet, I have four siblings and I'm the second eldest. It was hard growing up and having to learn to be responsible at a very early age. In the beginning I really had to sacrifice my 'teenage' years, which supposedly have to be the most exciting years and the time you get to experience a lot of new things, for my siblings. So, I spent most of my spare time at home watching the kids. You'd get a lot of 'No I can't. Watching the kids' replies to hangout sessions with friends. Now thinking back, I guess that's the reason I developed into an introverted and, back then, to a pretty serious person. However, I do not regret anything of that because I knew that I helped out my parents a lot throughout the years. And I'm glad my parents trusted me a lot in the upbringing of the kids, especially the youngest one.

PARAMORE CONCERT, ZURICH'13

THAT WAS IT!!!! For everyone who know me, I am the ultimate Paramore Fan and that ever since I was 15. Since the band has never been back to Vienna ever since 2007, I've never quite gotten the chance to go and see them up until now. The waiting game of 2h in the cold and pouring rain was definitely worth it - thanks Lisa for putting up with it as well. I will never ever forget this experience witnessing this powerhouse vocalist and my idol. The reason why I've grown so fond of them is because their music is so relatable plus I appreciate Hayley's talent so, so, so much. Besides all the musical aspect, I totally dig their spiritual life and their deep faith. The wait was worth it and my love for them has grown even more. I couldn't thank God enough for giving me this opportunity. Hayley, you'll always be my hero.

"I should be over all the butterflies, I'm into you" 

ZURICH 2.0'13 HIGHLIGHTS

ZH has really grown on me. I'm so grateful that I've gotten to know a lot of new people. I really appreciate their hospitality, friendliness and their sense of humour. We pretty much had the best Hosts who really took their time to care for us. Special shoutout to the G'Sistuuuurz. We had great company, great food and lots of laughter. It's been a great trip and I was so glad to be able to relax and just focus on enjoying the time outside of Austria. This last trip this year was totally worth it and I cannot wait for the next one. Here are some of the many highlights of the trip and more is still to come :)

VIADUKTNACHT'13 - UETLIBERG - RACLETTE - CRAZY COW - CONCERT - ZH GANG

Brian Puspos Choreography | From Adam by Travis Garland

I believe I always lived the greatest love story, but even the most beautiful stories have their horrid chapters. 7 long years I found myself constantly chasing after something that I thought was my soul mate. I attempted to give my heart away many times within that duration, and realized It was impossible because someone else still had it. During those years I saw it as an opportunity to bettering myself as a man, and all the traits I thought that she deserved, after all she deserved a superman. In the end no transformation into any man could sway her back in my arms. Me being so stubborn and determined never stopped me. As many of you know I always fought what I believed in. Never give up on something you love..but when do you stop being defeated? When does the self humiliation end? Is this worth the pain?
I then realized the simplistic brutal truth that I knew was there the whole time, and didn't want to accept it. It's not going to happen. It's not going to work out. It's not worth it anymore. I held on when she let go a long time ago. It just wasn't meant to be. Today marks a really big moment for me. As hard as it is I know I have to.
It's my turn to let go.

In the end the people that do matter will always be there for you. That's the real love. I now see that this wasn't my greatest love story. My greatest love story is yet to be told, and I'm excited to tell it with whoever it may be.
To you:You can't say I didn't try lol. I haven't felt this happy since the day I met you, which is in 4 days. Happy Anniversary? haha but seriously, thank you so much for this journey. You are the real reason why I'm living my dream. You are the real reason why I'm the man I am today. I'd spend lifetimes trying to repay you. Well, at least you know that there is one man out there capable of loving you so much. I thank God for allowing me to share such an experience with a woman so beautiful. I wish you the best as always. Goodbye.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
I await this :)

REAL FREEDOM. TOTAL HAPPINESS. TRUE LOVE. CREDO.

Just how time always seems to fly by, so does the Congress season. Somehow I couldn't find the time to recap everything on here, but here I am. Writing and recalling every possible blessing that I have encountered during the European Singles and Youth Congress.

The Congresses were indeed very special this year. All my friends were Firsttimers and it's such a huge blessing that we could experience all this together. After all the downs I had before the ESC, God truly blessed me with fulfilling all my prayers. Hearing Him talking to me and feeling his presence during Adoration was the most humbling thing I could have ever encountered. He indeed moves in mysterious ways, yet we can truly rely on Him and know that after every setback we are prepared for a great comeback. The sessions as well as the workshops were very touching. So touching that I've been tearing up during most of the sessions because they were THAT relatable. They were great reminders of what's next for me and in which areas I still have to improve.

The EYC on the other hand was somewhat more challenging. The heat, the preps before and during the Congress as well as standing in front of 50 Youths was an experience. I was just so glad that everything turned out fine. Amazing how God works and how awesome He really is. There's been so many challenges even before the Congress season and I just never felt alone. The Service Team was so great to work with and it just amazes me how well our synergies worked during all this time. I am really looking forward to working with everyone again in future. After the EYC I was just left in awe. Everyone stepped up and have grown so much which made me very proud to be a witness of that development. Big ups to the speakers, the big Kuyas for all the YFLs now! The Trinity has indeed inspired me in so many ways. Seeing you stand in front of hundreds of people, letting God really speak through you was so inspiring to see. I'm really proud of you guys and I respect you so much!

I still feel very humbled that I was chosen to be part of the Service Team. Five years back from now, I wouldn't have ever imagined to be privileged to serve during a huge event like the Congress. The preparations were sometimes tedious and chaotic, but the results turned out better than I have expected. Knowing that greater things are yet to come, makes me really excited for Europe. We never know what the guy up there has in store for us, but I truly believe that it's going to be greatness.

The Congresses were such a huge blessing to me. The realisations I got, the fellowship and worships with all countries and also witnessing how God is working in us, just makes my conviction even stronger to have FAITH. 

d.f.t.s,

Ezzy

ON ACCEPTING YOURSELF.

How many of us walk around day by day putting up a facade to just be agreeable to other people? How many of us try to impress other people by pretending to be a person they are not? How many people walk around with a huge pit in their stomach, knowing they need to be that and that kind of person just to fit in with their peers?

I know, it does sound a bit Highschool-ish, but let the truth be told, even when you're out of Highschool, you will still find yourself hiding your truest self behind a mask. But why is that? Simply out of fear of being rejected. A lot of us, including myself, always seek to be perfect in each and every life situation or to each and every person you meet. Honestly, I can say that it used to be a lot easier for me to be myself around people in the past because I knew who I wanted to be surrounded with and who not. Nowadays, you come across gazillion of people and your attempt to be perfect will always get harder. A couple of months before a good friend of mine told me, she really liked how I was so confident around a bunch of different people and how I would never pretend about who I really was. It really struck me because I've never seen myself that way. When she asked me on how I managed to handle that so well, I told her exactly that - to know who you want to surround yourself with. 

In the course of time, you will surely see how bad people want to stay in your life because when it comes to the point where your ugly and your worst version comes out of the closet and is revealed, only the people who are worth it are going to look past that and accept you for who you are. But most importantly, you have to accept that as well. You have to accept that just by trying your hardest to be pleasant and agreeable to every person around you and live up to their expectations just to stay in their lives, won't get you to that goal because you're not doing it for yourself but for the other. You were put into this world to His perfect image and His likeness. It would be such a waste to think you should be different just to conform into this world because the secret is, that you out of all people are already perfect to one - to God. It is something very unlikely to believe at first, but isn't it a lot easier to know this detail in a world full of judgement and superficiality? Whenever I try to remind myself that little yet powerful detail, I sometimes wonder how I should survive in this civilisation that is only about your looks, your material things and your social status. Then I simply just count how many people I know that love me the way I simply am and not what I have - and that is enough. It is such a huge blessing to know that no matter how much you messed up and how much you are still going to mess up, they will always stand by your side. Friends will come and go, it is inevitable, that's why keep the ones close who are willing to stay in your life and who are making an effort to do so. These blessings should be appreciated each and every day as much as you have to appreciate yourself too.

Don't hide from your weaknesses, but come out and turn your can'ts into cans! Be free from your imperfections and your shortcomings by simply accepting your faults and live in freedom!

d.f.t.s.,
Ezzy

FEAR.

Picture: http://25.media.tumblr.com/13df4555930fe6880115eefe15dd5c75/tumblr_mosspjBsmI1ssjx7ro1_500.jpg

Each and every person has fears. One would fear spiders, the others would fear needles or heights, or students would fear exams or tests, but what about fearing life and its happenings? See, people's actions are motivated either by love or fear*. Which, in some way is very true. How often have we refused a potential life-changing situation out of fear of changes? How often have we avoided serious conversations out of fear of being rejected? How often have we failed to open up to people who loved us out of fear of getting hurt? And how often have we tried to control each and every area of our lives out of fear that everything would fall apart?