30 DAY CHALLENGE - DAY 4

A woman was talking to an insurance agent:

"So, I started this journey and I get sick a lot, lose way too many precious things along the way and most of the time I wish I could just return and get a refund or start the journey over. I knew that a lot of unexpected things might happen on this journey and I was more than prepared for each and every surprise. People told me before that this and that may happen but they never advised me on how to handle situations. I've always been eager to just get out there and experience new things. Regardless how scary they were, I knew I'd learn a lot along the way. How exciting new adventures and new experiences were to me. I just wanted to get out, get out of my comfort zone - because I knew I was prepared for them. That's what I thought of myself. Truth be told, I wasn't prepared at all. All I did was going with the flow. I did what I was told to do by my friends, by my parents and by my loved one. 

Never in that second I thought of what I wanted because they've been there and have done that. The roads were rough but I always managed to make it through. I wasn't on that journey alone, you see. I had loyal companions who always motivated me to move on, to continue that road when I was tired and to get my butt up when I've lingered on one spot for too long. I did my very best on that journey and I can say, I've seen a lot and met a lot of great people as well. I've seen the beauty of small cities and also got to learn to appreciate their totally hospitable inhabitants. They were all so nice and welcoming. It was a great visit and I felt I belonged somewhere and it felt pretty good. I knew that at some point in my life I would go back there and maybe start a future in that city. Just how it is when you're on a journey, you enter a new stage. In the beginning everything went great and I couldn't help myself but gush over all the new impressions. However, things started to change a bit. My friends and family have always warned me about it. I always laughed it off because I knew I would never find myself in such a situation. Since you cannot control everything, I suddenly found myself in exactly this situation.

A situation that would change my life forever. Yes, I've lost all my precious things. From my ancient ring that my mum handed me down to half of my fortune for this journey. It was lost. Gone. I've not regretted going into that dark lane because I was so sure of everything. So sure that I won't get mugged. But it happened. Of course, I was puzzled, scared and angry, but then again, I didn't get mugged by some disgusting thief. It was a child. An innocent child, that probably needed that money - hopefully - for some serious matters, such as buying himself and his family something to eat.

My life felt so different after that incident. Something in me just told me that my life would get even tougher from then on. And it did. My trust was abused, my happiness was gone and I had a lot of guilt. One reproach after the other against myself. I've had a great support system though. My companions never left my side but they haven't also quite saw it as a huge deal since they were exposed to that half of their life. I still felt rather alone and hurt because after all they were my dearest possessions. 

Just after I've talked to someone else, I've gotten to know along the way, I felt rather relieved. That person just talked me back to my senses. Without that person, I wouldn't know where I would be today. They helped a lot. However, ever since that incident my life had drastically changed. I just didn't know what to do at times. Remember how I used to say that I was prepared for everything? I was not at all. My mind was scattered all over the place. Mostly being very sceptic about people's intentions. 

Yes, I've put all my guards up again, only with another layer of bricks. It was very hard. My companions still kept on motivating me but I've gotten tired of walking. I've gotten tired of walking towards a goal that I wasn't ready for yet, although in the beginning I was so sure of. In the end I was just dragging myself up to the point where I completely forgot about myself. I didn't even feel the scars and blisters on my feet that I got from dragging my whole self to continue the road. My mind wasn't filled with positivity anymore at all. Sometimes I'd see a spark of hope and I could motivate myself again and I was happy again. But as soon as one of my companions experienced something negative, I totally absorbed it and suffered for that person until I was just plain exhausted - physically and mentally. 

My state encouraged a huge fight that was the last thing I could take. They said things such as I've changed so much and I wasn't the same person I used to be. Or they also said that I've grown so closed off. All the fighting, the exhaustion and confusion lead to my decision to abort the journey. I've not even travelled half of the journey and I made the decision to stop, to cancel, to break it off. I thought by doing that all my hurts, fears and disappointments would stop. I just wanted things to stop and go back to how they were before I got mugged. There were a lot of moments where I just thought how it could've just come to this. Everything was perfect. The conditions were great, I had great companions and reaching that goal would have been the greatest accomplishment in my life. Maybe the goal wasn't so important to me back then. I knew it was part of the journey but I also knew that it still lied far ahead for it to get too serious and my first priority. So, after I've decided to stop the whole journey, I travelled back home. It was a hurtful separation but at that time that's just what I needed. I knew, if I would have continued that journey, it would have killed me in the end, regardless the price. My companions agreed that it was the best to just let me go. Deep down I still wanted them to fight for me because that's what they always did. They always motivated me to go on, however, this time they realised I wouldn't change my mind. 

A couple of months have passed now and I'm in a better condition than I was back then. Yet, I still feel like a huge part of me is missing. That journey took up most of my time and energy after all. A lot of memories pounce back into my mind and it still hurts because I would have loved to see how much I would have progressed. On one hand the memories make me smile and on the other hand it's very hurtful still. I miss my companions a lot and I guess I've hurt them a lot as well. They never saw me as the quitter in the group, but just like I am, I tend to disappoint people. I know that nothing will ever be the same again, but I hope that one day I am able to continue that journey with them and reach that goal with them together. That's something I pray a lot about. Another chance, another ending to this journey. A happy end where I can be at peace with myself and let people in again. Especially the people who I have grown fondly of - my companions. But for now, we probably need that space to focus more on what still lies ahead of us, in our own life. And hopefully when God's timing is right, we are as strong as we can be and can finish the journey just how God has planned it for us. So when the time is right, can you insure me for all my upcoming faults, mistakes and disappointments for when I restart the journey?

The insurance agent hesitated before he replied:

"Sorry Miss, we can't insure you for a journey like that. The journey of life, that is."